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THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF RICHARD WISEMAN CONTINUED 2003
Australia is full of dirty, tea-leafing (theiving) bastards. Have so far had stolen my boots, my Converse, 2 jumpers, 80 dollars and a pair of jeans. A couple I met in Surfers Paradise had their car stolen in the middle of the night from outside the hostel with everything in it. Funnily enough their stuff started turning up in different shops around the area over the next week, and they actually saw the guy wearing one their bags which had been taken. I get the impression that some of these Aussies are not the brightest of people when it comes to theft.
GRIFFITH
Just arrived in Melbourne thank god. Have spent the last 1 and a bit month in the small farming town (which calls itself a city) known as Griffith. That's the problem of running outta money just after new years. You end up fruit picking. by the time I had arrived there I had pretty much been told by every traveller, "Dont pick Water Melons", "Don't pick lemons", "Don't pick cherrys", "Don't pick onions", "Don't pick Mangos". - Pretty much, don't pick anything at all. I can see why now! I arrived in Griffith on the 7th of January at 2.30 am in the morning and was woken up at 5.30 am by the sleazy, nazi of a hostel owner telling me that I had to work. It turns out I didn't have to work and he just needed some people at the last minute - Cunt. After 2 days of picking and loading water melons (these things are fucking huge!), earning sweet FA and being in a lot of pain I was ready to quit and take my chances in Melbourne. Anyway who turns up that day? Kirsten, - and she's determined to find work and she's spent her last 60 dollars on a coach ticket to Griffith to work and she aint going to leave. - (Rumours may have have started spreading at home so to settle it, Yes, I have met a beautiful, 6 ft, 20 year old, blonde dutch girl (who has dyed her hair ginger) called Kirsten. We met at new year and have been travelling together since).
Anyway, I move on to picking corn tassles. Corn picking would be good if it wasn't for the unbarably mind numbing process of walking up and down a field doing the same ting over and over and over and over again for 8 hours a day in a searing 45C heat. Me and a few English lads started chucking the corn at each other to keep ourselves entertained and when that got boring we tipped them with mud. Anyway, we got sacked from the corn for not working hard enough and I ended up picking pumpkins.
Griffith is full of randy, over-sexed farmers who hit on all the foriegn chicks working for them. Trouble is, most are fat and disgusting and don't stand a hope in hell. Managed to spoil one farmer's plans. Kirsten was asked by Angello (a fat rude cunt who should know better with a wife and three kids) to find 2 friends to take to Cobram to help him work for the weekend. He was expecting three single women but instead got 2 girls and 1 bloke (me) going out with one of the girls(Kirsten). That left him 1 girl to hit on. He didn't get anywhere.
If I make Griffith sound bad, that is because it is. The hostel looked shitty and clinical and most of the farmers are fuckin' slave drivers. Although I did have some good times looking back. Ceasar, (or Sleazer) the manager of the Hostel, and his attempts at pulling the girls was a constant source of amusement. Getting up on stage at a local gig and playing a few songs was also cool. Leaving Grifftih was kind of strange, I think because it has been my home for the last month and the longest I have stayed in 1 place in the last 5 months. Funny really, I spent the last month complaining and moaning about wanting to go and now I'm a little sad to be gone. HOWEVER, if I lay eyes on another pumpkin, water melon or fat cunt of a slimy bastard farmer in the next 5 months then I will not be responsible for my actions.
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SYDNEY
Well I finally managed too meet up with Woodhouse after 2 weeks of constant one way e-mailing. New year was cool and the fireworks were pretty spectacular. On the journey back from the fireworks, had both the top and bottom carrages of the train singing along to american Pie! Stayed in a hostel called the Pink House. Kings Cross is definately the best area in Sydney. The rest of the city seems to clinical and lifeless. Kingscross is full of brothels and sex shops but it's got character and it's a 24 hour party.
Xmas involved me sitting out in the sun listening to AC/DC and then going to Bondi Beach in the afternoon - Fantastic!
I was drinking on the patio of the Pink House one night when a northern guy I met called Jon asks me to look after some money for him. No problems. The next thing I know is that I'm involved in the middle of a drug deal involving a man with a gun and a fat woman high on coke. For some reason, they think I'm the boss. All I'm doing is sitting around and keeping quiet, trying to look as moody as possible. It was only for 20 pills and it all seemed a bit excessive really.
CANBERRA
Although, Porn and Drugs are legal in this town, this place is truly boring. The Aboriginal Tent Embassy was a good little find however. Basically, about 30 years ago, a load of Aboriginals pitched a load of tents and set up their own embassy opposite the old parliament building to piss off the Australian Government. 30 years later, it's still there. Spent and evening chatting and smoking cigarettes with them and jamming out some tunes on the didge and guitar.
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Adventures in Fruit Picking - Melbourne - Milldura
Saturday 22nd Feb 2003. Ran out of money very quickly in Melbourne. So only after 2 too short weeks in Melborne, headed up to Fruit picking land again. This time Milldura. Spent the first three days picking grapes for a farmer called (really) Bill McClumpa. The bloke was a guitar freak and told me in not so many words that my guitar was rubbish and that I should treat it with more respect. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll Excuuuuuuuuuuuseeee Me! - It's a cheap guitar to go travelling with for god's sake not a bloody pristine peice of $100,000 wank over stuff he probably has. Anyway, my guitar tab book went mysteriously missing from my car one night and suddenly re-appeared the next day. Also have suspicions that he was eavesdropping on me and Kirsten getting friendly with each other in our tent.
Tuesday 25th Febrary. Got outta there pretty quick and went to small town near Robinvale called Wemen. This place is possibly the bizzarest place in literally the whole of my travels. No pub, one shop, 5 houses, lots of water melons and a town hall (which got trashed one Friday night when some very drunk people decided to drive their car through it). - They came off second best though as they got stuck on the concrete bit attatching the fence to the ground and got tons of bottles, chairs and poles thrown at them through the car windscreen. The guy driving managed to run over three people, two of his own gang and Nick, one of our guys who talks a lot. Anyway the driver is now up for attempted murder, has a huge chunk missing from his face where Mary - a crazy but lovely Mauri woman - put her fist to his face in an unfriendly manner.
The fight could have been avoided if it wasn't for a stupid twat known as Geezer (Real name Anthony and he lives in North London - If you ever meet him, insult him for me and call him a worm because that's what he is). Anyway Cunt face (sorry) Geezer, Worm, Twat Features - Whatever you want to call him - threw a chair at the drunk people's car after they were about to leave for trying to start a fight earlier in the evening. They were about to leave for christs sake but now they are pissed off. As soon as things get out of hand and Geezer runs away to cry and hide in his room thinking they were going to bring back knives and guns. He suddenly became all "hard" again about an hour later when I'm trying to treat two of the "enemy" who are badly injured and in need of an ambulance. Geezer then starts on me as well because I told him in not so many other words to Fuck Off. This was not the First time he had tried to pick a fight with me that day. Earlier in the pub in Robinvale he had tried to start on me because he had driven off in my girlfriend's car whilst drunk and proceeded to do donuts and god knows what else to it, after promising to look after it - and then could not understand why I was annoyed with him. TWAT! - Geezer left the next day as he had no friends left.
Anyway, the rest of my stay in Wemen was alot more chilled, the work was hard but the people were really cool - if a bit bizzare! Thank you all!
Giant Rocking horses and a Grumble about Ayres Rock >>
MORE TO COME SOON
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